Embracing the Aunties

A recent post by Allsion Tate about mom’s choosing not to be in photos because they're unhappy with their appearance got me thinking. I’m often guilty of this. I’m rarely in photos and that’s in part because I’m usually the one behind the camera, but sometimes it’s by choice. I usually prefer to use a recent favorite photo of my daughter for my facebook profile shot. It makes me feel happy to see her, and since I’m a frequent poster on facebook, I see that profile pic a lot. But by not being in the photo I may be sending my daughter and other girls and women the message that I don’t value myself.

This message is often sent when women comment negatively on their looks in general, or some specific part of their body they’re unhappy with. On this front I’m doing better. I decided in high school that it was annoying when girls/women make a negative comment regarding their physical appearance. Either it’s true, and therefore is obvious and in my opinion doesn’t need to be stated, or it’s untrue (or at least an exaggeration) and is annoying at best, and sometimes is even disturbing. I once overheard someone say she was hoping the imperceptible bulge in her belly was a tumor so it could be removed.

Yes, we probably all have some aspect of our appearance we’re unhappy with, and it is comforting in a way to know others feel the same. One of my favorite examples of this is Anne Lamott in Traveling Mercies:

I had decided I was going to take my thighs and butt with me proudly wherever I went. I decided, in fact, on the way to the beach that I would treat them as if they were beloved elderly aunties, the kind who did embarrassing things at the beach, like roll their stockings into tubes around their ankles, but whom I was proud of because they were so great in every real and important way.

What I like about Lamott’s aunties is that though she’s acknowledging her imperfection, she’s also embracing it, and allowing herself to love herself anyway.

I don’t think it is helpful, or even healthy, for women to be constantly complaining about their own bodies. Hearing this kind of negative self-talk perpetuates unrealistic expectations. Perhaps this is why when I was 20 and a size 8 I was unhappy with my body. How many of us were ashamed of our bodies when we were younger and would like to go back and scream in our 20-year-old ears to get over it and love ourselves?

If I speak negatively about my body, or downgrade myself in other ways, I’m teaching my daughter that whatever she is, she is not good enough. The media and strangers already do a fine job of teaching that cruel message, without the people who love her taking part.

So today, I’m changing my facebook profile picture to an image of myself, and recommitting not to downgrade myself to others, and to do my best to embrace my own eccentric but beloved aunties. Who's with me?